Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Pauly » Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:22 am

While working I had a line come to mind as I was standing, so I wrote it down.

Upon further analysis of the line I wrote gave me a setting and how I'm going to go about writing this. It will be based in the near future. It will have Mechs in it. Not your usual Gundam/Armored Core style mechs but the mechs from Matrix. The open style cock pit with ballistics weapons. One thing you will usually not see from me is a laser weapon. Not a fan of those. The mechs have decent mobility slightly look like the ones from the matrix, the only difference is there is a shield over the pilot to add some sort of protection. I don't have a name for the mechs just yet. I'm leaning towards Bio-suits, or Exo-suits, maybe even Ballistic-suits.

Here is the setting of what I am thinking this line will take place.

Stormy setting, vast battlefield with dying/dead mechs strewn about. Flickering lights from the dying mechs. Sparks are the only lights on this day besides flashes of lightning. You see the heros face. Close up, bloodied, cut, beaten. Heavy breathing, no life from his mech. He looks up and sees he is being encircled. He tries to start his electronics up, but fails. He looks up again to see the enemies moving in faster. He can see their faces, the look in their eyes. He can only imagine the glory of the man who killed "name of hero". He tries to start the mech up again. This time, flickers. Slowly he regains extremity movement. The enemies are close enough to see their faces clearly off their mech lighting. They look worried.

Here is the line, it hasn't been worked into the previous paragraph.
"As my suit rumbles to life, I look up at my enclosing enemies. I see the look in their eyes. Knowing they have invoked a short life span with immeasurable suffering."

That is what I started with. What I need from people who read Manga and watch Anime more than I do is a name of the main character, and what kind of enemy should he be facing? He is fighting for the life of his daughter. Been taken hostage. He is fighting with the military against this power that has taken his daughter but he has allegiance to no one.

I think I need to flesh this out more, before I can deal with the enemies, but I really need a suitable name for this hero. I don't know Asian names so I figured you Asian culture connoisseurs could help. Thanks for any replies. Let me know if it seems like it will be worth working out. Critical honesty can be handled. Please don't be 'nice' I can handle honesty.
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Musashi1596 » Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:30 am

To be honest I don't think the name will be a huge issue, certainly some of the more reputable manga heroes don't necessarily have Japanese names. Look at, say, Appleseed, with characters like Deunan Knute and Briareos Hecatonchires. Others look to mythology. Another example, Major Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell I believe takes her surname from the mythological Japanese Kusanagi sword (a sort of Japanese equivalent to Excalibur). When I last wrote something I often looked to Arthurian mythology and used names like Arondite.
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby illMurderU » Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:39 am

well , first off , im not gonna help you with a name. no asian culture , no manga culture either. what i will say is this : while im liking the idea and the setting , im baffled somewhat by the sentence: "As my suit rumbles to life, I look up at my enclosing enemies. I see the look in their eyes. Knowing they have invoked a short life span with immeasurable suffering." may i just suggest placing a comma after 'look in their eyes , knowing ' , because even though my english is a lil'rusty ,which prob explains it, at first it was a lil' confusing : who invoked it for who? the comma makes it clearer imo. and possibly replace the first ' i look up at my enclosing enemies' by 'i glance' or more like 'i glare' to avoid repetition of look. but the 'invoked a short -> suffering' is really cool.
good luck with that :)
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Pauly » Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:43 am

illMurderU wrote:well , first off , im not gonna help you with a name. no asian culture , no manga culture either. what i will say is this : while im liking the idea and the setting , im baffled somewhat by the sentence: "As my suit rumbles to life, I look up at my enclosing enemies. I see the look in their eyes. Knowing they have invoked a short life span with immeasurable suffering." may i just suggest placing a comma after 'look in their eyes , knowing ' , because even though my english is a lil'rusty ,which prob explains it, at first it was a lil' confusing : who invoked it for who? the comma makes it clearer imo. and possibly replace the first ' i look up at my enclosing enemies' by 'i glance' or more like 'i glare' to avoid repetition of look. but the 'invoked a short -> suffering' is really cool.
good luck with that :)

Thank you. Appreciate the support. I didn't edit the sentence, just posted what I wrote down at the time. Definitely will edit it. I very much dislike repetition. If you read the Life and Death one I posted, it took me 2 hours to edit through and change all the words to be something that wasn't repetitive. The thesaurus is my best friend.
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby illMurderU » Mon Jun 20, 2011 12:49 am

no problem mate , will try to check more stuff here , seems there s creativity around :)
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Pauly » Mon Jun 20, 2011 1:38 am

I write a lot. I am trying to post more and more stuff. Trying to get back into the rhythm of writing fiction again.
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Musashi1596 » Mon Jun 20, 2011 1:42 am

I used to write a lot but I've not put anything out in a while. Need to review something, even if it's not a particularly new title.
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Pauly » Mon Jun 20, 2011 4:05 am

Do it. No excuse for laziness.
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Re: Untitled - Manga/Fiction in progress help

Postby Axikal » Sun Apr 29, 2012 7:07 am

Call him Captain Sizzle von Wolfbeef Esq. III
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