The Perks Respond

Ax speaks, you listen

The Perks Respond

Postby Axikal » Mon Aug 03, 2009 12:49 am

Stopping Power: Increase Bullet Damage by 1.4x
Translation:
I\'m meant for the weak Bolt Action Rifles. If you\'re using me on shotguns: You\'re fucking stupid. If you\'re using me on SMGs or LMGs: You obviously can\'t aim worth shit, and need this to compensate. Practise more before claiming you\'re anything good.

Deep Impact: Increased Damage When Going Through Solid Objects
Translation:
No big deal. You\'re just going to feel pain when you hide behind that concrete slab. Trust me.

Martyrdom: Drop A Grenade When You Die
Translation:
I\'m not really meant to be used. This was a joke, actually. Our Christian programmers thought we should throw that in for laughs. And the fact we wouldn\'t stop flagellating them helped. If you\'re using me: you\'re a whiny coward who\'s mad some better player just knifed you. Learn to look behind you next time. Wuss. I can be countered with Throw Back

Fireworks: Increased Explosive Damage
Translation:
I\'m meant to be used in conjunction with any explosive weapon (grenades, satchel charges, BBs, RPGs, et cetera.). Using me without any... means you\'re retarded.

Shades: Decreased Effect From Flares
Translation:
I\'m pretty much here to make you look cool. Otherwise, I\'m useless; except for picking up babes. I should\'ve been paired with Gas Mask.

Gas Mask: Decrease Effect From Gas
Translation:
Do you REALLY need a translation? I should\'ve been paired with Shades. :telekinesis:

Juggernaut: Decrease Damage Taken By 0.75x
Translation:
I was put in the game for anyone who dies a lot. Just slap me on, pull out your FMG, and Rambo it up! You don\'t need much thought when you use me--I\'m the jock of the Perks. People hate me because I\'m cheap, and used by those with no actual skill in the game. Debate all you want, you know you don\'t need skill once you\'re wearing me. Just beware of head-shots, knives, and skilled players. I can\'t protect you from them. :hint hint:

Double Tap: Increased Rate Of Fire
Translation:
I\'m meant to be used in conjunction with Rifles. If you\'re using me with an SMG or LMG: You\'re pathetic. They already fire at a high rate. If you need MORE, then you obviously suck at this game, and should go back to Pong.

Sleight Of Hand: Faster Reload Time
Translation:
I was meant to be used in conjunction with slow reloading weapons (Mosin Nagant, Shotguns, FMG, et cetera.). Don\'t confuse me with a magician\'s skill though. I won\'t be helping you unlock those "Magic Rings" any time soon. You could try it though... but I figure you\'ll be dead before you realise you\'re an idiot.

Overkill: Carry Two Primary Weapons
Translation:
I\'m meant to give you the chance to start out with two Primary guns. Great for snipers who want to start out with a better "side arm", rather than scavenge. I\'ve been called cheap, but I always respond: "Well, then why are you switching your Pistol for that STG? Isn\'t that \'cheap\' too?"

Bandolier: Increased Ammo Count
Translation:
I\'m meant to be used with weapons that have small amounts of ammo, or ones that go through ammo quickly. I can also be used in conjunction with Double Tap. I prefer to be used by Snipers, since most B.A.Rs don\'t carry much ammunition initially. But I\'m sure you can figure some other neat way to use me. I love being used... mmmm...

Camouflage: Protection From Recon Planes
Translation:
I\'m meant to be used with a suppressed weapon. This includes Flash Hiders. If you\'re using me with an SMG or LMG (with no Suppressor/Flash Hider), or shotgun: You deserve to die as quickly as you will. Moron. While you\'re taking your last breath, I might recommend you look up the definition of "Contradiction".

Steady Aim: Increased Hip Fire Accuracy
Translation:
I\'m meant to be used with SMGs and LMGs. You could also use me for No Scoping with B.A.Rs, but you really shouldn\'t try it unless you\'re GOOD. If you\'re using me with a shotgun: Prepare to die quickly... and more often.
Image

Image
User avatar
Axikal
Lieutenant 3
Lieutenant 3
 
Posts: 1196
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:38 pm
Location: Bethlehem, PA (USA)

Re: The Perks Respond

Postby Gosu360 » Wed Oct 07, 2009 11:27 am

A fucking classic thread that everyone needs to read.

I\'ve read this all through many times and still smile at it :D
Image
User avatar
Gosu360
Brigadier 2
Brigadier 2
 
Posts: 5313
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:38 pm
Location: England


Return to Legendary Words

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest